Friday, February 26, 2010

There May or May Not Be a Moral Involved in This Story. If There Is, I Missed It.

So I had this post all ready to go, and was going to publish it, but I got busy. It involved me talking about my job and my teaching style (for those of you who DON'T stalk me, I teach at a small private college in Michigan).  Now I am glad I hit save instead of publish on that bitch, because I have a distinct feeling I might have been dooce'd had I done this.  I mean, I am not exactly anonymous.  It wasn't bad or anything, but recent ... frustrations in my life have led me to realize that everything is incredibly tenuous.  The good and bad come and go very quickly, and the bad can really blindside you if you aren't prepared.


ANYWAY, the part of the post that still applies is this:  I have been having tremendously bad things pile up on me lately.  So much so that I have a constant pressure in my chest, and that horrible feeling in my throat like at any moment something might explode out of me, and I have no idea if it will be tears, curse words, vomit, or insane screaming.


Due to all of this anger and sadness and the oh-woe-is-me feelings, I have been walking around feeling the intense desire to punch every person I meet. Yup, I'm just walking around like a normal person, but I am mere inches from punching like a .... person who punches.  Like, if I saw a puppy, I would think about punching it.  But then I wouldn't punch it, because it's a PUPPY for Christ's sake.  I'm not HITLER (little known fact -- Hitler was a full-time puppy puncher).

Thinking about punching you.  But won't.

Anyway, I have been doing an extremely good job at holding in the rage (in my opinion, anyway). I haven't punched anyone yet.  But then this happened.


We decided to go to an early showing of Shutter Island today (side note: worth watching).  We had popcorn, sodey-pop, and a bag of candy.  We had excellent seats, and I was feeling the pressure on my chest lift.  Then a huge noisy group of seven young "men" and one young "lady" came spilling into the theater.  Guess where they decided to sit?  Yeah, right behind us.


I have VERY LITTLE tolerance for rude movie people.  Talking, kicking my seat, and cell phone usage?  Very quick way to ignite my movie theater rage.  Guess what they thought might be fun?  Yes.  These exact behaviors.  


Finally, about an hour into the movie, the discussion behind me had reached a fever pitch.  Like, non-stop discussion.  So, I turned and looked those little bastards straight in the eye and said, "Seriously.  Stop it.  NOW." and turned around.  


At first, all I could think about was my heart racing and the fight or flight hormones flowing through my body, and when my brain gave me those two options, I was thinking FIGHT!  Then I felt happy, because they were silent.


Then my heart slowed down, and I was able to see what I had stared at when I faced those monsters:  Teenagers.  18, 20 tops.  And they looked ... scared.  Like, maybe how you would be when you were a kid and a scary adult said something scary or mean.


Shit.  I am a mean scary old lady.  It really snuck up on me.  


But at least I didn't punch anyone.


image source

14 comments:

  1. HOORAY for mean scary old lady!!! And I'll bet you said it in your very best "teacher voice" - that gets 'em no matter the age. Good for you...hopefully they remember the lesson if they're ever sitting behind me. And - as for the rest - this, too shall pass. Keep the faith.

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  2. Oh man, I've had a few of those moments myself. Nobody wants to go to the movies with me anymore because I always start a fight.

    And dangit! Now I want a PUPPY!!!!

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  3. There was a Seinfeld episode about that, where the George character stood up to some really scary biker people in a theater...and they backed down.
    It was cool.

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  4. When I'm about to tell kids in movie theaters to shut up, my heart starts racing, too! Every time they speak again, I consider turning around and saying something to them, but each time I decide to give them one more chance to live. And this usually lasts about 30 minutes because I'm a wuss. Then, after I tell them to shut up, I spend the next 15 minutes thinking about how awesome I was. So I pretty much miss half the movie all because of those stupid annoying kids. I hate teenagers.

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  5. I give you mad props for this. I know exactly the feeling of rage you are describing, but when it builds up in me, I fight the urge to punch adorable animals and instead...I emotionally drop-kick the people I love most.

    You handle it much better -- I aspire to be mean scary old lady to punks at the movies.

    (Also? Damn fine idea re: CL and afterbirth. I like how you think.)

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  6. sAm - Yeah, that teacher voice. Works like a charm. And thanks for the sentiment!

    Aunt Juicebox - True story: I started a fight with a guy behind us in the theater on Father's Day. To be fair, it was because he was kicking my FATHER'S seat, thus ruining his Father's Day. And my real intention of that post was to boost puppy adoptions in YOUR area. You fell for it!

    Joe Cap - Oh yeah! Good old Georgie! Reminds me of the VanBuren Boys!

    Sara - yeah, I think most of the population hates teenagers. The real question is, do we hate THEM more, or TWEENS?

    Carolyn - If you ever want scary old lady lessons, I am always available. And thanks! Good luck!

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  7. Too funny... and I love the reference to the fight or flight emotions. I've "shushed" and glared at many an obnoxious teenager in a theatre and wonder if at any moment I'm gonna get my neck snapped by a high school senior. But secretly think I'm pretty effing awesome for getting the balls to do it.

    But then... then I think shit! I remember being those kids and having THAT lady talking to me and how uncool she really is and how lame she is for not caring that I'm trying to plot my social life in a movie theater OUT LOUD with my friends. Ummm hello? ha!

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  8. Hi, came over here from that other place where you left me a comment. Thanks!! <3

    I'm going to add you to my reader. I just read your 'about' and there is enough common ground there that maybe you'll let me stay. I promise - I yell at loud whippersnappers at the theater, too. ha.

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  9. Yes, I too often walk around with an intense dislike for those around me and having to control the urge of beating them until they stop breathing. Fortunately, I'm almost 28 and have one beat the crap out of one person. My brother at age 9. I was 11. He has a permanent bald spot from me pulling his hair. The lesson? Don't fuck with my tapes, yo. :)

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  10. sAm - Yeah, that teacher voice. Works like a charm. And thanks for the sentiment!

    Aunt Juicebox - True story: I started a fight with a guy behind us in the theater on Father's Day. To be fair, it was because he was kicking my FATHER'S seat, thus ruining his Father's Day. And my real intention of that post was to boost puppy adoptions in YOUR area. You fell for it!

    Joe Cap - Oh yeah! Good old Georgie! Reminds me of the VanBuren Boys!

    Sara - yeah, I think most of the population hates teenagers. The real question is, do we hate THEM more, or TWEENS?

    Carolyn - If you ever want scary old lady lessons, I am always available. And thanks! Good luck!

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  11. There was a Seinfeld episode about that, where the George character stood up to some really scary biker people in a theater...and they backed down.
    It was cool.

    ReplyDelete
  12. Oh man, I've had a few of those moments myself. Nobody wants to go to the movies with me anymore because I always start a fight.

    And dangit! Now I want a PUPPY!!!!

    ReplyDelete

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